Pirate Sisters, Insane but Fabulous
by ambiguousfigurine
Summary: My sister and I get into the first Pirates movie! Oh no! How ever shall we resist drooling over Jack and Will? Will we destroy the entire plot? We'll see. Please review!
1. Welcome to Port Royal

Emily and Kelsey were sitting on the couch, totally bored.

"What do you wanna do?" Kelsey muttered.

"I dunno. How about we watch Pirates?" Emily suggested. This seemed to be her solution for every boredom-related problem they faced.

"Again? I know every single line by now. It's getting old."

Emily had to admit that it was getting a _little_ old.

"Well, maybe we'll notice something different this time," Emily though optimistically.

"Yeah…" Kelsey said sarcastically. "Sure we will." She knew that they could probably reenact the whole thing by themselves if Emily could swim and they could both sword fight.

Emily jumped up from the couch and popped in the DVD.

"Why do the introductions have to be so long?" Kelsey yelled at the TV.

"Well, I don't know, maybe they got bored and wanted to be creative?" Emily said, pressing the enter button on the remote.

Suddenly, there was a flash of green light. The two sisters were suddenly looking around at the surrounding area.

It wasn't their living room. It was the Interceptor.

"Wait a second!" Emily exclaimed. "What the HECK are we wearing!"

"We look like Elizabeth wannabees!" Kelsey yelled.

"What happened to your voice?" Emily asked Kelsey. She had an accent!

"What happened to _yours? _Are you doing that one purpose? I didn't know you could fake accents! Cool!"

"Where _are_ we?" Emily asked, looking around, ignoring Kelsey's previous excited question.

"Um… isn't it obvious? We got transported to an alternate universe slightly against our will, put into 17th century clothes, got _really cool_ accents, and have been put into the script of Pirates of the Caribbean: Curse of the Black Pearl. THANK YOU TED AND TERRY!" she yelled at the sky.

"Hey, I thought that _I_ was supposed to be the smart one?" Emily asked, "And what happened to your _hair_?"

"You're only smarter because you're _older_." Kelsey mumbled, reaching up to touch her hair. She had expected it to be really big and frizzy or something, maybe going to a parallel universe made your hair static. "Oh. My. Gosh. We're not _only_ Elizabeth wannabees, we're Elizabeth look-a-likes! What is with Disney and having character's hair be perfect all of the time! Is there such a thing as frizz in this world? If not, thank goodness."

"I think it's rather nice," Emily said, looking down at her reflection from the water.

"Did you just say, 'rather'?" Kelsey said, giving her a weird face.

"Hey, I'm allowed to say that now, okay? We're in a movie!"

"You're quite right my dear, quite right," Kelsey said.

"Okay, that's getting a little weird," Emily took back.

"Fine," Kelsey replied stubbornly.

"Wait, if we're in the Pirates movie, then that means…" Emily looked around excitedly.

"Oh, please, do you honestly think that we're going to see _the _Captain Jack Sparrow?" Kelsey said. Her sister was obsessed with him. Like, hold-out-the-bucket-because-that's-how-much-she-drools-over-him kind of obsessed. Just the way Emily was looking around made it obvious.

"Hey, don't tell me you wish that Will was here with us right now." Emily smirked, knowing Kelsey was IN LOVE with him.

Suddenly, they heard a voice coming from the dock where the Interceptor made port.

"This dock is off limits to civilians." A man said.

"I'm terribly sorry. I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately." A man with a deeper voice said.

Emily looked out from the deck of the ship. She tried to squeal and point stupidly, but Kelsey pushed her head down so Jack couldn't see them. He looked up at the ship, thinking he saw something, but decided it was a bird and continued his line.

"Apparently, there's some sort of high toned and fancy to do up at the fort, eh? How could it be that two outstanding gentlemen such as yourselves… did not merit an invitation?" Emily could almost see his expressions even though Kelsey was, unfortunately, still pulling her down, PLUS the corset was killing her.

"Kelsey! Come on! This is a once-in-a-lifetime-opportunity for us!" she whispered desperately.

"Well, I'd like it to not get shot in the process of this opportunity, if you don't mind, now shush!"

"Party pooper," Emily grumbled.

"Just hold on for a minute, you know as well as I do that he'll be on the ship in a few seconds."

Then why the heck are you holding me down _now_, if they'll just shoot us in a few seconds?"

Both of them just realized what Emily had said. They could hear the sounds the Murtogg and Mullroy arguing about the Black Pearl, and both got a shocked look on their faces.

"Uh-oh."


	2. Just Go Along With It

They heard someone get on the Interceptor and saw Jack. Emily attempted to squeal again, but Kelsey covered her mouth. It was kind of hard to hide though when you were two girls in large dresses sitting right in front of him.

"Who are you?" Jack asked. He looked rather shocked to see them. Looking up at the sky, he yelled, "Is this _supposed _to happen?"

"No, actually, we don't _know_ why were here, and we highly doubt this is what's supposed to happen," Emily answered as she stood up despite Kelsey's protesting gestures.

Emily paused. "But isn't it _cool_?" She exclaimed.

Jack was still looking at them like they were freaks of nature. "How did you get here?"

"Green lights," Kelsey said, looking from behind Emily, who was trying not to stare at Jack too much, but she found it to be really hard when he was right in front of her. He looked even hotter in real life.

"Alright…" Jack started to play with the wheel.

Just then Murtogg, being the fat idiot that he is, _finally_ realized that Jack wasn't standing in front of him anymore.

"Hey, you three, get away from there!" He and Mullroy ran up on the Interceptor.

"You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate. And…" Mullroy paused. "Misses." He whispered to Murtogg, "Is this _supposed _to happen?"

"I don't know. Just go along with it," Murtogg whispered.

"Alright."

Jack said, "I'm sorry, it's just - it's such a pretty boat."

Emily and Kelsey were standing behind him now due to the guns that were pointed at them.

"Ship," Kelsey muttered to him.

"Ship," Jack corrected.

"What's your name?" Murtogg asked, still pointing the gun.

"Smith. Or Smithy, if you like."

"And what about you two?" he continued.

"I –"Emily said, stepping forward. Then she whispered to Kelsey. "Who am I?"

"I don't know! Just make it up!" Kelsey whispered back loudly.

"I –"Emily repeated, "am Queen Emily Johnny-Depp's-Amazing-Hotness. Or Emily Depp, if you like."

Kelsey whispered at her loudly again, "What kind of name is _that_?"

"I don't know, I suppose _you_ can do better?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I can." She cleared her throat. "I am Monarch Kelsey Nick-Jonas's-Amazing-Hotness. Or Kelsey Jonas, if you like."

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith, Ms. Jonas, and Ms. Depp?" Mullroy asked.

"Yeah, and no lies!" They pointed the guns at them again, waiting.

Emily interrupted Jack before he could speak. "Well then, I confess, it's our intention for Mr. Smith here to commander one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer our weasley black guts out!"

"Couldn't have said it better myself, love," Jack said admirably. Emily blushed and backed behind him again.

Murtogg paused, giving them a confused look. "I said no lies!"

Mullroy leaned into Murtogg, "I think she's telling the truth."

"If she'd been telling the truth, she wouldn't have _told_ us."

"Unless of course, she knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if she told it to you." Jack said, pointing it out.

Then he went into his chief story and got them to put down the pointy guns and listen intently because of how interested they were in the story Jack was just making up on the spot.

"…and then they made me their chief."

Suddenly there was a splash. Shouts could be heard above, and many guards ran around pointlessly. Everyone on the ship looked up and leaned against the ledge to see what was happening.

Jack pointed out to the water, "Will you be saving her, then?"

"I can't swim."

"Me neither," Emily chimed in with her hand raised.

"You can too!" Kelsey argued with her.

"Dog paddling like you lost your left arm does _not_ count," Emily replied.

Jack rolled his eyes and handed all of his extras to the two soldiers. "Pride of the King's Navy, you are." He made a perfect dive into the water.

"How does he _do _that?" Kelsey asked in amazement. She had been struggling with diving lately.

"I don't know," Emily sighed in amazement. "But doesn't he look _sexy_ when he does?"

Kelsey rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You think _everything_ Jack does is sexy."

Emily looked like she had been insulted. "Is that a _bad_ thing? Shouldn't he _always_ look sexy? I mean, he's Captain Jack Sparrow for crying out loud!"

"Wait," Mullroy interrupted their argument on Jack's sexiness. "That's Captain Jack Sparrow? The wanted pirate, the one they've been after since he escaped from Beckett?"

"Um… no?" Kelsey said.

"Oh, okay." Murtogg said, and moved onto the deck.

Once Jack saved Elizabeth by removing her corset, Mullroy commented "Would never have thought of that."

"Clearly you've never been to Singapore." Jack responded.

"Singapore!" Kelsey yelled loudly, giving her sister a high-five.

"Rock on!" Emily shouted.


	3. Enter Will Turner

They heard someone get on the Interceptor and saw Jack. Emily attempted to squeal again, but Kelsey covered her mouth. It was kind of hard to hide though when you were two girls in large dresses sitting right in front of him.

"Who are you?" Jack asked. He looked rather shocked to see them. Looking up at the sky, he yelled, "Is this _supposed _to happen?"

"No, actually, we don't _know_ why were here, and we highly doubt this is what's supposed to happen," Emily answered as she stood up despite Kelsey's protesting gestures.

Emily paused. "But isn't it _cool_?" She exclaimed.

Jack was still looking at them like they were freaks of nature. "How did you get here?"

"Green lights," Kelsey said, looking from behind Emily, who was trying not to stare at Jack too much, but she found it to be really hard when he was right in front of her. He looked even hotter in real life.

"Alright…" Jack started to play with the wheel.

Just then Murtogg, being the fat idiot that he is, _finally_ realized that Jack wasn't standing in front of him anymore.

"Hey, you three, get away from there!" He and Mullroy ran up on the Interceptor.

"You don't have permission to be aboard there, mate. And…" Mullroy paused. "Misses." He whispered to Murtogg, "Is this _supposed _to happen?"

"I don't know. Just go along with it," Murtogg whispered.

"Alright."

Jack said, "I'm sorry, it's just - it's such a pretty boat."

Emily and Kelsey were standing behind him now due to the guns that were pointed at them.

"Ship," Kelsey muttered to him.

"Ship," Jack corrected.

"What's your name?" Murtogg asked, still pointing the gun.

"Smith. Or Smithy, if you like."

"And what about you two?" he continued.

"I –"Emily said, stepping forward. Then she whispered to Kelsey. "Who am I?"

"I don't know! Just make it up!" Kelsey whispered back loudly.

"I –"Emily repeated, "am Queen Emily Johnny-Depp's-Amazing-Hotness. Or Emily Depp, if you like."

Kelsey whispered at her loudly again, "What kind of name is _that_?"

"I don't know, I suppose _you_ can do better?"

"Yes, as a matter of fact, I can." She cleared her throat. "I am Monarch Kelsey Nick-Jonas's-Amazing-Hotness. Or Kelsey Jonas, if you like."

"What's your purpose in Port Royal, Mr. Smith, Ms. Jonas, and Ms. Depp?" Mullroy asked.

"Yeah, and no lies!" They pointed the guns at them again, waiting.

Emily interrupted Jack before he could speak. "Well then, I confess, it's our intention for Mr. Smith here to commander one of these ships, pick up a crew in Tortuga, raid, pillage, plunder, and otherwise pilfer our weasley black guts out!"

"Couldn't have said it better myself, love," Jack said admirably. Emily blushed and backed behind him again.

Murtogg paused, giving them a confused look. "I said no lies!"

Mullroy leaned into Murtogg, "I think she's telling the truth."

"If she'd been telling the truth, she wouldn't have _told_ us."

"Unless of course, she knew you wouldn't believe the truth even if she told it to you." Jack said, pointing it out.

Then he went into his chief story and got them to put down the pointy guns and listen intently because of how interested they were in the story Jack was just making up on the spot.

"…and then they made me their chief."

Suddenly there was a splash. Shouts could be heard above, and many guards ran around pointlessly. Everyone on the ship looked up and leaned against the ledge to see what was happening.

Jack pointed out to the water, "Will you be saving her, then?"

"I can't swim."

"Me neither," Emily chimed in with her hand raised.

"You can too!" Kelsey argued with her.

"Dog paddling like you lost your left arm does _not_ count," Emily replied.

Jack rolled his eyes and handed all of his extras to the two soldiers. "Pride of the King's Navy, you are." He made a perfect dive into the water.

"How does he _do _that?" Kelsey asked in amazement. She had been struggling with diving lately.

"I don't know," Emily sighed in amazement. "But doesn't he look _sexy_ when he does?"

Kelsey rolled her eyes. "Oh, please. You think _everything_ Jack does is sexy."

Emily looked like she had been insulted. "Is that a _bad_ thing? Shouldn't he _always_ look sexy? I mean, he's Captain Jack Sparrow for crying out loud!"

"Wait," Mullroy interrupted their argument on Jack's sexiness. "That's Captain Jack Sparrow? The wanted pirate, the one they've been after since he escaped from Beckett?"

"Um… no?" Kelsey said.

"Oh, okay." Murtogg said, and moved onto the deck.

Once Jack saved Elizabeth by removing her corset, Mullroy commented "Would never have thought of that."

"Clearly you've never been to Singapore." Jack responded.

"Singapore!" Kelsey yelled loudly, giving her sister a high-five.

"Rock on!" Emily shouted.


	4. I Recycle!

As Will walked into the blacksmith shop, Emily muttered to Kelsey,

"What now?"

"Follow him! Duh!"

"Wait!" Emily whispered loudly, grabbing her sister's arm as she tried to walk on further. "Promise you won't go all fan-girly on me, okay? No attacking him!"

"Fine." Kelsey whined, rolling her eyes. "But I get the sword at the end of the movie, right?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"Goodie!" Kelsey said in a high-pitched voice, clapping her hands excitedly and jumping up and down. "Let's go!"

As Kelsey opened the door to the blacksmith shop, Will and Jack had already begun sword fighting.

"You know what you're doing. I'll give you that, excellent form. But how's your footwork? If I step here," he said as they moved around again.

"Very good."

Emily sighed. "Now _that _is the best part in the movie, _ever_!"

"I thought…" Kelsey said.

"Whatever."

"Can I help you ladies?" Will spoke, forcing Jack to stop moving his sword around with this really cool sword-fighting move. He looked from them to Jack. "Is this supposed to happen?"

"I don't know, just go along with it mate."

"Alright…"

Suddenly, Kelsey realized who was right in front of her. "Oh. My. Gosh. IT'S WILL TURNER! I LO-"

(Unfortunately), she got interrupted by Emily's hand and an annoyed glare.

"So sorry," Emily held out her hand apologetically, still holding tightly to Kelsey's mouth, giving her warning glares. "Continue." Kelsey continued to mumble loudly under Emily's hands, trying to reach out to Will.

Emily forced Kelsey to the side next to the old dude passed out (Because, as we all should know, you don't want to really be near the door during this scene, too many swords being thrown at it and such).

And, as if on cue, the sword got thrown at the door by Will and Kelsey sighed dreamingly.

"That is a wonderful trick… except, once again, you are between me and my way out. And now you have no weapon." With that, Will pulled out the heated sword and they began fighting again. Emily and Kelsey casually sat down on two chairs near the side, dreamily watching the two men fight.

"Who makes all these?"

"He does," Kelsey said, speaking for Will. "And he practices with them… three hours a day."

They both paused in mid swing, looking at Kelsey with bewilderment.

"How do _you_ know that?" he asked Kelsey.

She blushed deeply when Will addressed her, "um… lucky guess?"

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate," Jack said. "How 'bout this young lass?" pointing to Kelsey.

Kelsey blushed even deeper now, muttering, "He already has one."

"Oh, you've already found one, then. Perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you are incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?" Jack looked down, slightly disgusted.

As they continued fighting each other, Kelsey yelled, "Hey! He's not a eunuch!" whispering to Emily she asked, "What's a eunuch?"

"It's… um…" Emily wasn't sure how to explain this, "It's like… he doesn't have certain… manly parts." She looked guilty for saying this in a Disney film. How did Johnny Depp get away with it?

"Oh," Kelsey said, slightly regretting asking her. "But, he's _not_, right?" she asked, looking down at Will.

"I think we established that in AWE, Kelsey." Emily said in an annoyed tone.

"Oh," Kelsey said, cheering up. "Okay."

"I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can kill it! And I'm not a eunuch!"

"Says you," Jack muttered under his breath.  
As they continued fighting on that cart thing, Emily spoke to Will. "You talk about Jack like he's not a human being! Captain Jack Sparrow is _not_ an 'IT!' Gosh, at least give him _some_ respect! It's not his fault he likes the sea, and rum… and… women."

As they fought on the banisters, Emily stood up and walked under them, looking up. "Another thing, you're not going to kill him in this movie, Will, let's face it. The film wouldn't last only twenty minutes if my favorite hero dies within that time! Wake up already!"

"Knock him out, Will!" Kelsey said, getting up as well.

"Hey! Don't tell him to do that!" Emily argued with her.

"Well, he's going to get knocked out anyway, we both know it!"

"Yeah, but not by Will!"

"How do _you_ know that?"

"Because we've seen this movie a gazillion times! You and I both know it!" With that slightly loud exasperation, Emily grabbed onto her corset and bent over. "Ow! This corset is killing me!" She winced. "Why can't we just take the dang things _off_?"

"Apparently," Kelsey said, reading a giant book that suddenly appeared in her arms. She adjusted her glasses (even though she doesn't even _need_ glasses), "In the How to Be a Pirate in Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl by Ted and Terry, in chapter two, 'How to become the Damsel in Distress…"

"Oh, just get on with it!" Emily said, getting annoyed. "I can't breathe!"

"Alright, alright," Kelsey muttered. "Anyway, it says, 'At no time can said Damsel in Distress take off corset by herself, unless by a said Pirate, but only if he has the role of said Hero.'"

Closing the book she said. "Well, that's it then. Jack's going to have to take it off _for_ you."

"I'm a little busy here, if ye haven't noticed already," Jack yelled over the donkey's brays and the clashing metal.

Both Will and Jack are on the ground now, Will covered in sand and Jack holding out his pistol.

"You cheated."

"Pirate."

"I can't breathe," Emily said, falling to the ground as she faints.

"Hey, why doesn't that happen to me?" Kelsey yelled, looking up at the sky.

"Because you abandoned Emily in her time of need," Ted yelled from above.

"When was that?"

"About ten minutes ago, when you left and didn't want to help her write your adventure together anymore." Terry answered.

"Oh. Sorry." Kelsey looked down at her feet, ashamed that she was no longer a narrator.

Now Emily had control for the time being, Mwahaha!

Jack then got hit in the head with the bottle of alcohol and fell over, the soldiers rushing into the shop.

"Excellent work, Mr. Brown. You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

"Just doing my civic duty, sir."

"Well, I trust you will always remember this as the day that Captain Jack Sparrow _almost_ escaped. Take him away. While you're at it, take the unconscious girl and her sister. They're with him."

"What?" Kelsey asked, shocked as one soldier handcuffed her and another picked up Emily, her hair flopping everywhere. "We can't go to jail! You can't do this to me! I've never even gotten a _speeding ticket_! I – I recycle!" she yelled, as Norrington banged the door behind him.


	5. iPods

As Will walked into the blacksmith shop, Emily muttered to Kelsey,

"What now?"

"Follow him! Duh!"

"Wait!" Emily whispered loudly, grabbing her sister's arm as she tried to walk on further. "Promise you won't go all fan-girly on me, okay? No attacking him!"

"Fine." Kelsey whined, rolling her eyes. "But I get the sword at the end of the movie, right?"

"Sure. Whatever."

"Goodie!" Kelsey said in a high-pitched voice, clapping her hands excitedly and jumping up and down. "Let's go!"

As Kelsey opened the door to the blacksmith shop, Will and Jack had already begun sword fighting.

"You know what you're doing. I'll give you that, excellent form. But how's your footwork? If I step here," he said as they moved around again.

"Very good."

Emily sighed. "Now _that _is the best part in the movie, _ever_!"

"I thought…" Kelsey said.

"Whatever."

"Can I help you ladies?" Will spoke, forcing Jack to stop moving his sword around with this really cool sword-fighting move. He looked from them to Jack. "Is this supposed to happen?"

"I don't know, just go along with it mate."

"Alright…"

Suddenly, Kelsey realized who was right in front of her. "Oh. My. Gosh. IT'S WILL TURNER! I LO-"

(Unfortunately), she got interrupted by Emily's hand and an annoyed glare.

"So sorry," Emily held out her hand apologetically, still holding tightly to Kelsey's mouth, giving her warning glares. "Continue." Kelsey continued to mumble loudly under Emily's hands, trying to reach out to Will.

Emily forced Kelsey to the side next to the old dude passed out (Because, as we all should know, you don't want to really be near the door during this scene, too many swords being thrown at it and such).

And, as if on cue, the sword got thrown at the door by Will and Kelsey sighed dreamingly.

"That is a wonderful trick… except, once again, you are between me and my way out. And now you have no weapon." With that, Will pulled out the heated sword and they began fighting again. Emily and Kelsey casually sat down on two chairs near the side, dreamily watching the two men fight.

"Who makes all these?"

"He does," Kelsey said, speaking for Will. "And he practices with them… three hours a day."

They both paused in mid swing, looking at Kelsey with bewilderment.

"How do _you_ know that?" he asked Kelsey.

She blushed deeply when Will addressed her, "um… lucky guess?"

"You need to find yourself a girl, mate," Jack said. "How 'bout this young lass?" pointing to Kelsey.

Kelsey blushed even deeper now, muttering, "He already has one."

"Oh, you've already found one, then. Perhaps the reason you practice three hours a day is that you are incapable of wooing said strumpet. You're not a eunuch, are you?" Jack looked down, slightly disgusted.

As they continued fighting each other, Kelsey yelled, "Hey! He's not a eunuch!" whispering to Emily she asked, "What's a eunuch?"

"It's… um…" Emily wasn't sure how to explain this, "It's like… he doesn't have certain… manly parts." She looked guilty for saying this in a Disney film. How did Johnny Depp get away with it?

"Oh," Kelsey said, slightly regretting asking her. "But, he's _not_, right?" she asked, looking down at Will.

"I think we established that in AWE, Kelsey." Emily said in an annoyed tone.

"Oh," Kelsey said, cheering up. "Okay."

"I practice three hours a day so that when I meet a pirate, I can kill it! And I'm not a eunuch!"

"Says you," Jack muttered under his breath.  
As they continued fighting on that cart thing, Emily spoke to Will. "You talk about Jack like he's not a human being! Captain Jack Sparrow is _not_ an 'IT!' Gosh, at least give him _some_ respect! It's not his fault he likes the sea, and rum… and… women."

As they fought on the banisters, Emily stood up and walked under them, looking up. "Another thing, you're not going to kill him in this movie, Will, let's face it. The film wouldn't last only twenty minutes if my favorite hero dies within that time! Wake up already!"

"Knock him out, Will!" Kelsey said, getting up as well.

"Hey! Don't tell him to do that!" Emily argued with her.

"Well, he's going to get knocked out anyway, we both know it!"

"Yeah, but not by Will!"

"How do _you_ know that?"

"Because we've seen this movie a gazillion times! You and I both know it!" With that slightly loud exasperation, Emily grabbed onto her corset and bent over. "Ow! This corset is killing me!" She winced. "Why can't we just take the dang things _off_?"

"Apparently," Kelsey said, reading a giant book that suddenly appeared in her arms. She adjusted her glasses (even though she doesn't even _need_ glasses), "In the How to Be a Pirate in Pirates of the Caribbean, Curse of the Black Pearl by Ted and Terry, in chapter two, 'How to become the Damsel in Distress…"

"Oh, just get on with it!" Emily said, getting annoyed. "I can't breathe!"

"Alright, alright," Kelsey muttered. "Anyway, it says, 'At no time can said Damsel in Distress take off corset by herself, unless by a said Pirate, but only if he has the role of said Hero.'"

Closing the book she said. "Well, that's it then. Jack's going to have to take it off _for_ you."

"I'm a little busy here, if ye haven't noticed already," Jack yelled over the donkey's brays and the clashing metal.

Both Will and Jack are on the ground now, Will covered in sand and Jack holding out his pistol.

"You cheated."

"Pirate."

"I can't breathe," Emily said, falling to the ground as she faints.

"Hey, why doesn't that happen to me?" Kelsey yelled, looking up at the sky.

"Because you abandoned Emily in her time of need," Ted yelled from above.

"When was that?"

"About ten minutes ago, when you left and didn't want to help her write your adventure together anymore." Terry answered.

"Oh. Sorry." Kelsey looked down at her feet, ashamed that she was no longer a narrator.

Now Emily had control for the time being, Mwahaha!

Jack then got hit in the head with the bottle of alcohol and fell over, the soldiers rushing into the shop.

"Excellent work, Mr. Brown. You've assisted in the capture of a dangerous fugitive."

"Just doing my civic duty, sir."

"Well, I trust you will always remember this as the day that Captain Jack Sparrow _almost_ escaped. Take him away. While you're at it, take the unconscious girl and her sister. They're with him."

"What?" Kelsey asked, shocked as one soldier handcuffed her and another picked up Emily, her hair flopping everywhere. "We can't go to jail! You can't do this to me! I've never even gotten a _speeding ticket_! I – I recycle!" she yelled, as Norrington banged the door behind him.


	6. Escaping from Jail

Emily and Kelsey woke up to the sound of Jack attempting to open the jail door with a bone. And Fergie.

"…it's personal, myself and Iiiiiii… we got some straightenin' out to do…."

Looking up, Kelsey yawned and asked, "What did we miss?"

"Apparently, the Pearl," Emily answered, getting up and looking at the gaping hole in the next cell's wall.

"How the heck did we miss that?" Kelsey asked. "Part of the wall is gone!"

"No, really?" Emily replied sarcastically. "Ya think?"

"Please…" Jack muttered, getting frustrated with not being able to escape.

"That's not going to work, Jack." Kelsey said, sitting back down and playing with her hair. "They're half pin-barrel hinges. You need to—"

Just then, all three of them heard footsteps. Kelsey did a slight squeal when she saw Will.

"My _hero_! I thought you'd _never_ get here! But Will wasn't paying attention to her.

"You! Sparrow!"

"Eh?" Jack slightly looked up from his spot. Emily started humming/singing, "We are the pirates who don't do anything…. We just stay home and lie around…"

"You are familiar with that ship – the Black Pearl."

"We've heard of it." Emily spoke up, crossing her arms and looking annoyed that she wasn't being given any attention at the moment.

"Where does it make berth?"

Kelsey interrupted their conversation to try to make Will look over at her. "Where does it make berth? Have you not heard the stories? Captain Barbossa and his crew of miscreants sail to the dreaded Isla de _Muerta_. It's an island that cannot be found… _except_ by those who already know where it is."

Jack looked at her funny. "Do you _enjoy_ interrupting me when I'm about to say an incredible line that these… _fan girls_… apparently, practically, drool over?"

Kelsey looked over at Emily, shocked. "What have you told him? We don't want his ego to go up insanely high!"

Emily shrugged. "It's the truth."

Will just shook his head. "The ship's real enough. Therefore its anchorage must be a real place. Where is it?"

Jack studied his nails for a bit, thinking. "Why ask me?"

"Uh… duh?" Emily intervened. "You're a _pirate_. He figures you would know out of anybody living in this port." She got close to him and whispered, "He doesn't know about the whole you-used-to-be-Captain-of-the-Pearl-thing though."

Jack look startled. "How do you know that?"

"I think we've covered that already, Jack." Kelsey said, rolling her eyes.

"Oh." Jack looked back at Will again and said, "Right… So you want to turn pirate yourself then, is that it?"

"Never."

"Woh-oh," Kelsey said, holding up her hands in surrender. "Don't have to get all… _defensive_." She made a side ways glance at Emily, who rolled her eyes.

Jack started muttering…"It starts in my toes, makes me crinkle my nose, wherever it goes…"

"They took Miss Swann."

"So it is that you've found a girl. I see. And I thought you and this other young lass were getting along _so _well." Emily quickly moved her hand to her mouth to suppress a snort. Jack continued. "Well, if you're willing to brave all, hasten to her rescue and so win fair lady's heart, you'll have to do it alone, mate. I see no profit in it for me."

"He can get you out of here." Kelsey said. "These are—"

Emily coughed loudly and muttered, "Let him handle it," COUGH, "otherwise Jack won't come with us," COUGH, "the entire plot," COUGH, "would be," COUGH, "ruined."

Will mimicked her. "We can," COUGH, "hear everything," COUGH, "you're saying." COUGH. Emily stuck her tongue at him. She never liked the guy anyway. He was the reason Willabeth existed.

Jack paused. "What's your name?"

"Will Turner," Kelsey spoke for Will again, him getting a tad angry.

"I can speak for myself, Miss."

"Whatever."

**A/N: Review!**


	7. Cookies

Running below the tunnel (as Jack was humming the Mission Impossible theme), Emily, Kelsey, Jack, and Will looked out to the docks.

"We're going to steal a ship. That ship?" Will asked, looking at the Dauntless.

"Comman_deer_," Emily corrected him. "We're going to commandeer that ship. Nautical term."

Jack glared at her as she gave him a sideways glance back. Emily raised her eyebrows as if saying, "What are_ you_ going to do about it?" He shrugged, looking at Will.

"One question about your business, boy, or there's no use going. This girl– How far are you willing to go to save her?"

"I'd die for her."

"Oh, good. No worries then."

"Oh, no." Kelsey said; looking at a small boat turned upside down on the bank.

"What?" Emily asked, looking at Kelsey then averting her gaze to where her sister's eyes lead. "Oh, no. This is SO not apart of the plan. Nu-uh. Not gonna happen."

"Come on! This is one of those once-in-a-lifetime opportunities you're always talking about! You _have_ to do it! For me?"

"I'm NOT about to go inside that boat, and then UNDER WATER! It's not even physically possible! Myth Busters proved it wrong, remember?

"But this is a MOVIE! Special affects, remember? It'll be fine!" Kelsey reassured her.

"I have a stunt double, don't I?" Emily said, looking around and grabbing a curly haired girl about her height, wearing the same outfit. Pointing at her, she continued. "See? Why can't _she_ do it?"

The stunt double looked confused, then at the boat, then at the water. Raising her eyebrows, she said, "No way. I may be able to sword fight, but that is SO not happening. Sorry."

Emily groaned and pushed the girl away. "Fine. But I am SO getting paid for this."

"You can't." Will said. "You don't own the rights and are making no profit from writing this story, remember? Your disclaimer?"

"Oh." Emily grimaced and said, "Well, I'm getting a cookie... or… _something_!"

Suddenly, a cookie appeared in Emily's hands and she ate it.

"Okay." She clamped her hands together. "Let's go, then!"

As all four walked slowly underwater, Will spoke, breaking the silence.

"This is either madness, or brilliance."

"It's remarkable how often those two traits coincide."

"Ew!" Kelsey said, stepping in seaweed. "This is SO gross! And I'm all _wet_! I'm SO getting a cookie for this… or… something like that!"

They stepped onto the Dauntless.

"Everyone stay calm! We are taking over the ship."

"Aye, avast!"

Emily and Kelsey both cocked their heads to the side and gave Will a questionable look as the other men laughed.

"This ship cannot be crewed by two men…. And… women." He added, giving Emily and Kelsey a confused sideways glance. "You'll never make it out of the bay." Jack gave a look at Emily, who began humming "He's a Pirate." He smirked at this and pointed his pistol at Gillete's nose. "Son… I'm Captain Jack Sparrow. Savvy?"

"Here they come," Kelsey and Will said together as they noticed the Interceptor set sail.

Norrington stepped onto the Dauntless and began shouting orders. "Search every cabin, every hold, down to the bilges!"

The four swung on ropes to the other ship, Emily and Kelsey laughing hysterically at the fun of it.

"They SO should put this in the ride!" Emily yelled as she got to the Interceptor, grinning.

"Thank you, Commodore, for getting us ready to make way. We'd have a hard time of it by ourselves."

And with that, they set sail to Tortuga.


	8. Underage Clubbing

The journey to Tortuga consisted of Emily and Kelsey swinging on ropes and doing Tarzan yells, then listening intently as Jack does his lines again. Then they blasted their iPods, teaching Jack and Will "Bop to the Top" from High School Musical.

Yeah, we pretty much just wanted you all to have that visual in your head.

Just think: Jack Sparrow. Will Turner. Dancing to something Ashley Tisdale did.

_"Suave…" _Will sang in a weird voice on the deck while doing the hand motions.

_"Yeah, we're gonna bop bop bop, bop to the top, wipe away your inhabitation…." _Sang everybody.

_"…And strut your stuff…."_

Emily and Kelsey followed close behind Jack and Will, trying not to appear wenches as they looked curiously around the never-ending party.

"…More importantly, it is indeed a sad life that has never breathed deep this sweet, proliferous bouquet that is Tortuga, savvy? What do you think?

"It'll linger." Will replied.

"Personally," Emily said, "I want to leave as soon as possible. I've already been considered a wench twice!"

"Take it as a compliment, darling," Jack said, looking around. "Every other girl in this town does."

"Yes, but every other girl in this town IS a wench!"

"Yet," Kelsey said, "They seem to believe they're the only one that Jack loves."

"I don't love _anybody_," Jack said. "But I'll tell you, mate," he continued, addressing to Will. "If every town in the world were like this one, no man would ever feel unwanted….!"

Walking into the pig's stalls, Kelsey spotted Gibbs.

"Ew! It SMELLS!"

"No, really Kelsey? Ya think?" Emily responded, her hands on her hips.

Picking up the water bucket, Jack threw it on Gibbs.

"Curse you for breathing, you slack-jawed idiot…! Mother's love! Jack! You should know better than to wake a man when he's sleeping. 'S bad luck."

"Fortunately he knows how to counter it. The—" Emily looked at Jack's expression. "Oh. Sorry." She backed up and looked down as he spoke.

"As I was… _meaning_ to say," Jack gave a sideways glance at Emily. "The man who did the waking buys the man who was sleeping, a drink. The man who was sleeping drinks it while listening to a proposition from the man who did the waking."

Kelsey did a quick glance at Will and stole his bucket, throwing the water at Gibbs herself.

"Blast, I'm already awake!"

"That was for the smell, sorry." Kelsey says shrugging. "Here, have a cookie." She handed him a few from _CrypticCalico_'s donation. **(thank you for the inspirations! We desperately needed them…)**

As they entered the tavern, Jack muttered, "Keep a sharp eye." He then strutted over to a table, humming "Low."

"Hey!" Emily said, looking up at the above words. "I never had him listen to that song! I don't even _have_ that song!"

Kelsey just shrugged. "Disney has the rights to everything now, pretty much. It's probably programmed in his brain or something."

"Are you implying that Jack's some kind of robot?"

Kelsey rolled her eyes at this. "No, that would give this movie even MORE plots than before. What I'm_ saying_ is that Disney created this guy, they can teach him whatever they want."

"I see…"

"Are we even allowed in here?" Kelsey suddenly yelled. "Aren't we like… _underage_ or something?"

Emily shrugged. "Do you think anyone cares?"

"Doubt it." Turning to the fanfiction-obsessed people reading this, she mouthed "We-were-never-here" and winked obviously, leaning in.

"Who the heck are you talking to?" Emily suddenly asked, waving her hand in front of Kelsey's face.

"The people reading this!" Kelsey yelled back, as if it was obvious.

"We can't see them, though!"

"But…" she whispered in a spooky way. "They can READ us."

"It's not like it's the _same_."

"Fine. What-ev-er. But still, we were _never_ _here_."

"And if anyone asks, we're both twenty-seven." Emily added, winking back to Kelsey, mocking her.

"Aye, captain."

"Pirate Disease!" Emily yelled and pointed accusingly at Kelsey, drawing attention to them. The other pirate's looked at themselves, as if wondering if they had it.

"Oh! Um... carry on to your… pirate-disease-ness…" Kelsey said, shooing them.

**As/N: Review!**


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